The main one is my apparently disgusting language. In my total innocence I truly believed that in 2008 people were not offended by a passing swear word every now and again. How wrong I was... Seemingly those picture perfect images of Britain epitomised by "the darling buds of may" and "last of the summer wine" were not all together untrue. Or that's what some people would like you to believe.
I must put this into context, I was mid conversation with one of my new 'buddies' (Meant VERY loosely) when she stopped me. "I would appreciate it if you would not say that in my presence.." Instantly I went into damage limitation mode. Everyone has it, that instinct that takes over and retraces your last few sentences for any misdemeanour and instantly cross references for a double meaning or way of passing off the offending remark. I have become quite adept at this recently. After pondering I came up with nothing and shot her my confused look genuinely not caring enough to ask what her problem was. "The 's' word" she said. "What shit??" retorted our dashing hero. "Yea, I find it offensive." My God I have stumbled upon the virgin Mary herself. I think not.
This got me thinking, as it would with any self respecting human being. Am I bad mannered. I was not badly brought up. Am I this foul mouthed being that nobody could hold a civilised conversation with... After much debate I realised. I could not care. Moreover I know for a fact that I can be polite and well mannered when I have to be.
Days later and I am again in easily offended girls company and all became clear. Here we have a girl with a holier than thou attitude. One who believes herself to be above all those around her. When drinking she swears like a docker, where sober is the virgin Mary. So I decided to hatch a small experiment. How far could I go... apparently 'cunt' is a word far enough.(the literal interpretation of that is too far, mess of a human being)
Finally a chance to defend myself for in my soul searching I made a realisation. I don't swear to be offensive I swear as a matter of grammatical importance. In this world of slang language in dictionary's and text speak I feel it my duty to be correct. Swear words are not off the table anymore, they are in free circulation. From a linguistic point of view they are a wonderful versatile word. They can be used to add emphasis to a subject, eg:
"go away"
"go the fuck away"
They can also be used to add a sense of urgency to a sentence, eg:
"Paul, please pass me the remote control."
"Paul, fucking pass me the remote control."
I hope you are getting my point here. But you can also advance upon this further. Although good for adding emphasis, the use of a swear word alone is not enough. The sentence structure itself can be used to change the mood of the word itself. eg:
"Paul, please pass me the fucking remote control." light hearted, emphasises statement.
"Paul, fucking pass me the remote control." much more aggressive. Urgent
I hope we have all enjoyed Niall's grammar lesson. Please do share it with the world.
