conflict.. Oh really?

In passing through the other exhibitions in the Tate modern, Liverpool, I had my attention caught by a few photographic exhibition in one corner by a northern Irish photographer, Willie Doherty, looking into conflict. My first reaction to one piece was to laugh uncontrollably. The artist had chosen a black and white shot of the Alexander bridge in Derry city. The whole exhibition was centered around areas of conflict in northern Ireland and cited the bridge as "a flash point" between opposing sides on each side of the water. I found this amusing and a fair reflection of artists attitude about northern Ireland. Coming from Derry myself I can categorically say that the bridge in question was NEVER a flashpoint as it is only close to the largly protestant population of the waterside and is surrounded by shops. It is ugly, industrial and an eyesore but a relic of our troubled past it is not. It seems to me that artists are war profiteers using the troubles as an opportunity to ride a wave of public interest to launch their artistic careers. The irritating thing is that it has worked, it is hanging in the Tate! How can anyone take this seriously? The more irritating thing is that as long as people are still interested in northern Ireland as a site of unrest, people will continue to produce this unfounded tripe to please people who will take meanings from a piece that are not there and believe it to be saying something that never really happened. I feel mis-represented.

http://moodle.blackpool.ac.uk/file.php/blog/attachments/3547/P78746_8.jpg

Damian Hirst... money grabbing cunt

Yes – I said it, and if he comes asking... I will say it again. The more look at the work of Hist the more I realise just how important it is for an artist not to be successful in their own time. The more successful you are, the more you play to the masses. I fully believe that Hirst has a talent and some of his pieces are quite striking but his lust for money far outweighs his quest for genuine work with a message or aim. A diamond encrusted skull.

The guy is a fine example of how art is becoming a commodity. The more a piece is talked about and discussed then it invariably becomes a part of modern culture. Like or loath his work it gets people talking and generates its own publicity. This drives the values of the work up and lines his pockets.

All of Hirsts work seems to centre around death and escapism from reality. He creates grim and morbid work to startle and challenge his audiences. It is no secret that death is mans biggest fear in life, countless religions have been created to assure and reassure people about death. Hirst plays on these fears and creates striking images of death and brings you up close and personal to it. You cannot help but question your own mortality. I do think that he has became a victim of his own success, not unlike his great friend Joe Strummer. The more shocking he makes a piece then the more it gets talked about. Controversy breeds debate. Debate breeds interest. Interest fills the exhibition. Full exhibition equals high value art. All in all he benefits. My solution would be to shoot Damien Hirst or at least give him an spine transplant.. good god man have some principals!

I ve been away a while

Yea.. I have decided I must rant again! It has come to that time of year again that I must hold my silence no more. Expect more regular posts! and much much more ranting that ever before! Time will tell if it amounts to anything, but we shall see.

foul mouthed me

I never discovered how foul mouthed I was until very recently. As I have previously mentioned I have changed address recently and this has thrown up a few issues. By thrown up, i do mean vomited because like vomit they were unexpected, unintended, unpleasant and thoroughly unwanted.

The main one is my apparently disgusting language. In my total innocence I truly believed that in 2008 people were not offended by a passing swear word every now and again. How wrong I was... Seemingly those picture perfect images of Britain epitomised by "the darling buds of may" and "last of the summer wine" were not all together untrue. Or that's what some people would like you to believe.

I must put this into context, I was mid conversation with one of my new 'buddies' (Meant VERY loosely) when she stopped me. "I would appreciate it if you would not say that in my presence.." Instantly I went into damage limitation mode. Everyone has it, that instinct that takes over and retraces your last few sentences for any misdemeanour and instantly cross references for a double meaning or way of passing off the offending remark. I have become quite adept at this recently. After pondering I came up with nothing and shot her my confused look genuinely not caring enough to ask what her problem was. "The 's' word" she said. "What shit??" retorted our dashing hero. "Yea, I find it offensive." My God I have stumbled upon the virgin Mary herself. I think not.

This got me thinking, as it would with any self respecting human being. Am I bad mannered. I was not badly brought up. Am I this foul mouthed being that nobody could hold a civilised conversation with... After much debate I realised. I could not care. Moreover I know for a fact that I can be polite and well mannered when I have to be.

Days later and I am again in easily offended girls company and all became clear. Here we have a girl with a holier than thou attitude. One who believes herself to be above all those around her. When drinking she swears like a docker, where sober is the virgin Mary. So I decided to hatch a small experiment. How far could I go... apparently 'cunt' is a word far enough.(the literal interpretation of that is too far, mess of a human being)

Finally a chance to defend myself for in my soul searching I made a realisation. I don't swear to be offensive I swear as a matter of grammatical importance. In this world of slang language in dictionary's and text speak I feel it my duty to be correct. Swear words are not off the table anymore, they are in free circulation. From a linguistic point of view they are a wonderful versatile word. They can be used to add emphasis to a subject, eg:

"go away"
"go the fuck away"

They can also be used to add a sense of urgency to a sentence, eg:

"Paul, please pass me the remote control."
"Paul, fucking pass me the remote control."


I hope you are getting my point here. But you can also advance upon this further. Although good for adding emphasis, the use of a swear word alone is not enough. The sentence structure itself can be used to change the mood of the word itself. eg:

"Paul, please pass me the fucking remote control." light hearted, emphasises statement.
"Paul, fucking pass me the remote control." much more aggressive. Urgent

I hope we have all enjoyed Niall's grammar lesson. Please do share it with the world.

Since when was everyone so positive?

Since temporarily relocating to England recently I have had to undergo many unwanted personality adjustments. Before you start, I know the whole be who you are bullshit and believe in it highly. These are much more changes of necessity. The most recent is a winning smile.

Where the fuck am I going with this I hear you mumble. Well my usual manner is much more negative and un fuck giving. A personality I was much happy with and frequently did extol the virtues of to all who would listen but when I moved something unwanted happened. You see in my world people are used to my loving caring fuck off attitude and those who find me amusing laugh and know when to leave me alone, those who don't like it just go away. In England however it seems that people just cannot take the hint.

Never in my life have I heard the words "smile, it might never happen" "cheer up" "or are you depressed, would you like to talk?"What the holy mother fuck??? I may not be a grinning idiot but I am most certainly not unhappy. I blame American television for installing the stereotypical do gooder bullshit into people. I do just wish they would stop with it.

I have since had to develop a cheery smile and happy face to ward off these Samaritan storm troopers. Its the only way to stop them. Ironically this depresses me.

If your lucky I will post my conversation/lecture to my new classmates on the virtues of swear words as a verb.

Born to be a bastard

Have you ever had one of those days?

You know the ones... From the very second you wake up you get the feeling that some bastard has it in for you. Maybe its karma. Many things in life piss me off and it just becomes part of life but nothing more so than being rudely awakened. For three weeks now my wonderful(shitbox) student home has been randomly springing leaks. leaks usually always around electrical equipment. Not really bothered by this I went about my daily routine... eat, sleep, work, sleep and a once or twice weekly visit to college. But this seemed to piss the karma gods off and they decided that this weeks leak was to be located in the fire alarm. Thus causing it to fry itself. The resulting alarm was louder and more irritating than jade goody on crack.

I was awake. I fucking hate awake. But a shift at work loomed so I decided to go ahead with my day. All be it with a pissy mood on, and as my mother would say, a head like a slapped arse. I pushed on. Arriving at work a typical 30 seconds late incurring yet another 15 minute lateness penalty things were looking lovely.

Being a student the options for part time employ are not the most wide ranging. I like many have found myself in the hospitality industry, not really by choice but by the necessity to eat. Recently my employer decided to bring back its old head chef for reasons unknown. Great I said... no more half cooked food or bad fucking manners from that other poor excuse for a cooker jockey. This guy was good, the best apparently. Today was my turn to discover his other quality. Meeting him I had discovered that all storied of brilliance were self fabricated lies and to be honest the guy has one hell of an ego.

What is it about chefs, or more so, this particular bastard that makes them think that they can be how they like with other members of staff. In the space of a small shift I managed to argue with the guy twice. Needless to say I was angry. Arriving home I discovered our fire alarm, still making noise, still annoying everyone.

What the fuck have I done to deserve this? I must burn my porn and become a moral man... Fuck that.. Ghandi was moral, he got shot. Lucky for me I know of one guy who will have a worse day than me tomorrow... my landlord